Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
