He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
