four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
