I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
