Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
