i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
