I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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