Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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