I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
