There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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