I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
