forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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