Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
