my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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