just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I did not marry a roomba.
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