I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
