Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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