clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
