No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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