ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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