I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
