just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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