God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
