Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
