Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
where does the pee come out of this thing
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
