ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
