either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
