i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
