I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
