somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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