1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
