Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
