i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
