My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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