At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
