If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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