I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
