Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
