ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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