her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
