This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The uberlube is also flammable
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
