that's an acceptable place to lick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
