Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
