my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
