Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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