Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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