I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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