I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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