it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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