I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Someone signed my nipple.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
