its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
