absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
