Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
