I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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